Krishnamurti - Why Meditate?

My meditation going ok recently. It is afterwards. I got feeling empty a couple days ago. The phrase I had heard " ego death" occurred to me. Sometimes I get emotional shocks due to memory releases from previous trauma. This time it was more comprehensive, like the whole habit structure that one identifies with was just irrelevant. This is liberating and frightening. I felt I had to hold on to my old haunts extra hard on purpose so I wouldn't fly away from earth, whirling ship, etc. Did yoga next day, got more grounded. I felt a lot less egotistical and happy for it. This is very relieving. Being less responsible for what I can' t control, what is not important anyway, maybe focusing more on deeper matters. This seems to go hand in hand with deeper energy flows, it just releases. Maybe this is like a river, damm breaking. Memories, habits are programmed structures in muscles, nervius system, brain, chakras which are part of the past and used to a certain pace of life, energy flow rate. Like for example a slow song from church or jazz, or Beatles compared to intense modern stuff people stomp or writhe to, go crazy. I also thought that this experience I had was likely a bit like ayahuasca shock, obviously more mild though self initiated, unsupervised which I have only read about. Modern people seem egotistical, hung up on their ideas, ideologies, experiences. Nature peoples used plant based trances to transform and cleanse themselves periodically. Perhaps alcohol, intense musuc and dance is our equivalent. Yoga, energy and breath work as in kriya yoga and similar schools like sufism, etc. can bring similar results when practiced diligently. A guru is often an absolute necessity to help guide and trigger in key moments. Oftentimes these are not presents and we go to church saints, icons, temple statues and pray until they come alive to us and become the guru, image of God, essentially , magically guiding us.