Feeling less reactive, more calm. As I get deeper it might be that my nerves get more relaxed. It seems autistic in the sense that I don't notice direct anger, affection, etc. towards people. This could be due to some one's effect on me who is like that but more likely it could literally be like total immersion in something intense makes the daily experience trivial. So either I am too deep or too superficial. I need to bring those close to me deeper to my level so I notice their feelings again more than likely. So deep spirituality is a sort of thing like autismus asceticism. You become comfortably numb like in a drug trip and have no contact empathy until your nervous system gets used to things again. I do lots of energy work and I have not felt it so clearly before. I think that people get a lot of this from meditation, feeling alienated from their surroundings for awhile. This might feel spaced out, numb, whatever. Getting used to intense energy experience, burning in the body, nervous system, allows progress away from habitual reactions. Like your bad or good feelings towards people or habitual cravings for food, news junky, sex, music, etc. People often speak of not feeling part of things after self realization. I have read that. They say they cannot participate in normal work, old friendships anymore as they seem artificial. I have always however just kept moving, noticing that the situation gets deeper and more complicated as I participate more, like being a tornado of energy drawing people around me. This phenomenon is getting more regular, weekly say. I recall reading Ramana Maharshi and finding it incomprehensible like Relativity theory. However as a young man they could not wake him when asleep. When he went to Tiruvannamalai in the mountain cave he sat motionless for months. Imagine such a nervous system. Generally humans are like monkeys comparatively to that. This behavior is like someone who lives thousands of years and is taking a break, thinking things out, as opposed to beings like us, similar to fruit flies that live three days and buzz about constantly. Where is our evolution heading? Will we become like Maharshi, Aliens, angels or is that just a rare case to show us the way? Likely our genetic program will remain. A golden age would be boring indeed. No activity, sex, corruption, greed, scandal, war. How would the vast majority ever learn to leave the samsaric wheel of karma? There is no need of a physical body in a case where one is so detached comparative to others and cannot help others to also move deeper within. Lots of holy men or women had the problem that no one really understood them. Say you are the best pianist, runner, actor, physicist and so far beyond all others that you are worshipped as a superstar. This is a waste of time. Mozart's or the Beatles works become holy script. They should lift us up, teach us to get to a new level of consciousness. New art, technology, science, spiritual technique should be like that and not a black box without a key for the privileged priests of the holy of holies. Everyone is afraid of change, me most of all. I follow a strict boring routine. I worry how people accept me. I try my best. Maybe my talent can help people.
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